Wolff rating: MOSTLY HARMLESS
Plot summary: Hai-ya! Kapow! Bonk! Biff! Mint! Oh, wait, there was a plot? Err, somebody is threatening to join the Outer Realms with Earth, and only a handful of blow-dried kung-fu specialists can save the day.
Biased, pithy comments: Taking comprehensibility and coherence to new lows, this film just sprints from one Power Rangers-like action sequence to another. The ``acting'' is laughable, with perhaps the biggest failure being replacing the genial Christopher Lambert with the more wooden James Remar. A few other random substitutions have taken place, too, confirming my belief that the costumes are more important than the mind, emotions, or words for Mortal Kombat characters. Have I now made it clear that this movie was silly beyond belief, and an insult to intelligent movie-goers everywhere? Good. Now I can say a few total MK-fan things about it. First, Sonya rocked in this film, as did Kitana. Jax had the best lines in the film, and the CG for the scorpion-horse general was pretty neat. The mudwrestling tournament between Sonya and Melena was truly awesome---only ``2 Days in the Valley'' has a finer catfight recorded on film. I had tons of fun watching this film, but I think that is not something I should be proud of.
Other Notes: Note wacky credit at the end---essentially, no Thai holy places were harmed in the making of this film. Oh, sure, you named a character Shiva, but you were respectful of *Thai* religion. Those Hindus can get bent.
How many times I have seen it: x1
Starring: Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Sandra Hess, Lyunn Williams, Brian ``X-Files Alien Assassin'' Thompson.
Directed by: John R. Leonetti